They’re not going to change.
At least not without years of serious therapy with a licensed psychotherapist or counselor. You can’t change them. And you don’t want to waste your time waiting around for them to change. What you see is what you get.
It’s not about you, it’s about their past.
People are hurtful because they were hurt by someone else. They may blame it on you, but it’s not really about you. Until they deal with that hurt with a counselor, it’s going to keep on burning them inside.
Nobody gets mad about “nothing.”
When people get mad it’s always in response to something that happened to them, either just now or years ago. Immature people can’t see how things push their buttons. Just because they don’t know what triggered them doesn’t mean something didn’t trigger them.
People act like what they’ve seen.
If someone’s parents are yellers and hitters, they may start out that way too. We can feel sorry for basically good people whose backgrounds make them angry and hurtful, but we don’t have to hang out with them and we certainly don’t have to try to save them! Get away, get away!
They are a kid in a grown-up’s body.
Just because someone is 6’5” and 300 lbs. and 30 years old doesn’t mean they are grown up. A real grown up doesn’t act out on their emotions without thinking about them, like a toddler having a meltdown at the mall. You want to be with someone who’s really a grown up inside, no matter what they look like.
Everyone is responsible for their own emotions.
People might say, “You make me feel good” or “you make me feel bad” and blame how they’re feeling on you. But the hard truth is that we are all responsible for our own emotions. Even if your little 2-yr-old nephew calls you a poopy-face, you don’t take it personally, right? Nobody likes to be insulted, but real grown ups learn how to take a few mean words and not believe them. Real grown ups know they are OK no matter what anybody does or says.
The bigger the show-off they are the more afraid they are inside.
Everyone wants to be liked by people, that’s how we’re built as humans. But people who have to constantly show off and be admired do it because they are more worried about what people think about them, not because they are more confident.
Extreme jealousy is fear, not strength.
Someone who can’t bear to have their bf/gf spend time with anyone else is terrified of getting dumped, it’s just that simple. They’re afraid the bf/gf will find someone better, which shows they don’t think of themselves as lovable. The solution to jealousy isn’t more control, it’s more confidence. And you can’t give someone confidence, they have to build it for themselves (therapy again!).
Real confidence is quiet.
People with real confidence are not needy, clingy, show-offy or mean. Confident people are not bullies. People with real confidence are relaxed, friendly, calm and mostly want to have fun. Confident, happy couples have a balance of couple-time and time-with-friends. Confident, happy couples trust each other . . . and they have the guts to tell each other, often!, that they love each other.
Most Importantly: You deserve better!
You deserve someone who treats you with respect and helps you be your full self. It is SO worth waiting for someone who is a real grown up!