SPOILER ALERT!! Hey everyone! It’s Chismama at the Siren with today’s “Got Chisme?”!
Ay, Chismositos and Chismositas, you do make some interesting life choices and every once in a while earn a perfect 10 in the stoopid category. But don’t worry, Chismama loves you. She looks the other way. How else is she gonna spread the chisme about what a fool you’ve been?
Here’s some tips for those taking such long sips from their BOBO tea:
Tip #1: If you’re gonna name your penis like a pet (Heel, Starfighter, Heel), then take him to penis obedience school. Don’t let him sniff around all the butts in the neighborhood, trying to get up in every pooch’s business, peeing everywhere.
Tip #2: If you’re gonna run with the devil, wear a fireproof tracksuit ‘cause your smoking tracks aren’t exactly leading to the righteous path. Or to put it another way– if it seems like it’s too good to be true hombre lets you drive his sports car to Vegas, hang out in his world class loft – be ready to hand over your wallet (and your keys and the Rolex, and even that tracksuit I mentioned) when he asks you to pay the piper.
Tip #3: If you’re gonna make out in the bathroom, don’t do it when that’s the ONLY bathroom for 50 people! Chingao! Sometimes Chismama’s gottta go.
Tip #4: If you absolutely have to use your smartphone, don’t. You can’t put a screenlock on stoopid, and before you know it you’re gonna tap, scroll, and sext your life into Internet infamy. Next thing you know, from EastLos to Yuma, all your private business has gone viral. And I don’t mean your score on Candy Crush. Need more tips on keeping your private bizness private? Try this site.
Tip #5: But what’s really stoopid are the lovers who take advantage of us, their abuse of the ones they’re supposed to cherish, the lies they use to keep us on the line and control us. What’s stoopid is how hard it is to get away from abusive relationships, from the bad people in our lives.
What’s smart is asking for help, seeking the resources, accepting help from those who are offering it, and taking that first exit you see. You don’t need to live with that kind of stoopid. GET HELP. Need a reminder? Get off Facebrag. Try Loveisrespect.org instead.
So if you find your life has handed you a big box of stoopid this week, just remember, you are not alone. Chismama loves you!