SPOILER ALERT!! Hey everyone! It’s Chismama at the Siren with today’s “Got Chisme?”!
Pockets a little empty? Nothing but condoms in your wallet? (But seriously, don’t keep condoms in your wallet! Don’t believe me? Read this!) This week, Chismama’s coming at you with the GetItForFree edition!
We begin with the leche. All that free milk. As in, why buy the cow if…? Turns out, you wanna put some dulce in your leche, you may want to tell farmer John to keep his hands off your udders. Maybe not give it ALL away so freely. (Now, Chismama wonders if they use that cow saying in Yuma.)
But if you do decide to serve up the leche, then this next freebie is key: Birth Control – which in our cow analogy would be what? Udder covers? Um, anyway… Did you know the Affordable Care Act serves up free contraception to those who register? Yep. How ‘bout some ‘BamaCare for the Bomb Squad? Not that they’re the only ones. (I’m talking to you, Mathletes!)
And need some pancakes to go with that milk? Try your abuelos’ house. (Actually, word is try Camila’s abuelos’ house!) Though CUIDADO: Chismama finds free food from abuelos often come smothered in judgment and advice – staying out too late? hanging with the wrong chicos or chicas? Tsk, tsk But don’t worry, the judgment comes for free, too.
Now if your abuela is a bruja, you might also get a little more than advice. How about a spell or two? In fact, Chismama has it on good authority that Fabiola has been known to give freebies to those lonely hearts she feels bad for them. So, cast that spell: Pitypartyamus!
Oh, and all those broken hearts? They’re free, too. But if yours was broke, it’s not all bad. Sometimes it comes with earrings of the skonkas who’s sleeping with your man. Usually, fake as the pendeja who wore them, but hey, what do you expect?
And if you’re the cheating cochino (cough – Santo Diego cough), what can you get for free? How about a lesson from your best friend? Yep, Chismama heard our favorite Picasso’s got a mean right hook and gave his bestie, a little reminder to straighten up. And it’s not a BOGO, it’s BOGT! Bang one, get two (in the gut) for free. A little chingazo for the chingado.
But Chismama doesn’t want to give the wrong message. The battles of the burros are one thing, but violence is never the answer and NOTHING justifies ABUSE. If you’re the victim of violence, especially by someone you’re in a relationship with, there is something out there for free – HELP - the kind of help that can get you away from the abusers, the kind of help that can save your life. If this is happening to you or your friend, Chismama says get free from it. Check out LoveIsRespect.org.
So, rico o pobre, let’s look out for each other out there. Let’s get each other’s backs. Give a little care. It’s free. See how it pays you back.